Kaleidoscope at Connect Church

Our church is doing a series right now called Kaleidoscope. Kaleidoscope is a ministry by the broken to the broken who desire to be used by God to create something beautiful. The church desires to help people move from post-crisis or recurring troublesome events to fully functioning followers of Christ, who actively participate in the ministry of His church. (I took this off of the church website.) Basically, it is where people open up and talk about troubles in their past. Anything from addiction, affairs, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, anxiety, depression, raising children with special needs and the list goes on. (Every story is volunteered. You are not called out on things.) We did something like this last year and the series was called "Fixer Upper". I loved it! Each week was so different than the next. It really makes you think, stop and think before you say something ugly or give an ugly face to someone, you don't know what they are going through!

As most of you know, I suffer from anxiety. And have for most of my life! Something just told me that I needed to volunteer for the Kaleidoscope series and share my struggles. If you know me, you know I don't really like talking about anxiety and all the issues I have had and continue to have! I feel that it's embarrassing, dumb and nobody understands it so I try and avoid it at all cost. I went ahead and bit the bullet and committed to being a part of the series. I didn't tell ANYONE I was doing this - not mom, dad, Brandon or even my BFF Liz. I did have to tell mom about a week ago because she was suppose to work in the nursery. I wanted to make sure she was able to be in service, so I had to tell her so that she could get someone to cover for her. It has been in the making for a while now (December) and I just had my turn at church this past Sunday. Let me tell you...it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders!

I had to be a church early that day to get the microphone on me and show me where/when to go on stage, etc. I just told Brandon that I had to be there early to help - I didn't elaborate. Anyways, I got there, got everything situated and then waited for church to begin. I sat with my group, like I usually do during worship. I knew that after all the songs, they would start to play the videos. (It was myself talking about anxiety and another person talking about depression.) Her video came on first, and I continued to sit and watch it. When hers was over, I knew mine was next, so I leaned over to Brandon, gave him kiss and said "I love you!" and got up and walked off to go backstage as my video started. I wish I could have seen the look and emotion on his face!! I know mom was crying...she was started crying when she first got there...love her! The other lady and myself then went up on stage and Jay, our pastor, asked us questions and kind of "interviewed" us regarding our situations. That isn't on video, but it will be on podcast if anyone wants to listen to it. I will post it as soon as it is out there and ready.

Here is my video...